Books, Blogs, and Burnout

It’s been pretty quiet on this website and this blog, which is fine since nobody’s really reading my stuff right now anyway, so no pressure. I’ve been busy with life and procrastinating, which is something we writers are excellent at. Should I be doing something productive? Probably, but I don’t currently have the mental capacity to do that, so I’m just going to ramble instead.

When I started this venture into self-publishing, it was a direct result of a really terrible period of life. We’re talking multiple major life events packed into a two-year period, and they came at a time when I had not yet fully mentally recovered from some other things that happened in the past. Though I’m hoping that I’m at the beginning of navigating my way out of the swamp, so to speak, it’s been a lot of learning about how my brain actually works and how to live in a way that I can recover, because what I was doing before is no longer working, or even possible anymore.

Basically, I’ve learned that I’m in a burnout state, and if I’m being honest, I’ve probably been on the verge of it for the better part of a decade. One of the reasons I’ve never been able to get traditionally published is that the process of researching, querying, and being rejected is a stressor for me. It’s probably the first stressor in life that my brain decided to hardwire with a shutoff switch. What happens is that when I try to approach doing that, it’s almost like my brain shuts it down, which makes me completely incapable of doing it.

As a result of the really terrible period of life, my brain is shutting down in the same way, but for things I actually really need to do. Self-publishing isn’t one of them yet, but there are things I need to do marketing-wise to promote my novels and find more readers. This involves multiple steps, which overwhelms me. So at the moment, I don’t want to push it, because I don’t want it to become a source of stress.

Getting three whole books out there: huge accomplishment. I’m super proud of myself for that, even if the books I’ve chosen to publish are towards the bottom of my ranking list in terms of favourites. I have around twenty more novels, including a six-book series and a ten-book series, and it really matters to me that my best works are liked and enjoyed. So right now, I don’t mind slacking a little with the first series and using it to learn, so that when I’m ready to put more novels out there, I’ll be able to do it well.

Recovery from this type of burnout is probably going to take a while. At the moment, I have to prioritize needs first. I fully believe that bad things happens so that we can learn from them, and the best thing that’s come out of everything that’s happened is that I finally figured out the puzzle that is my brain. This means that I can change small things in my life in order to function in a way that doesn’t lead to more burnout.

And as a result of that, I’ve found a way to move forward and actually get stuff done. I function really well with a list of things to do. In the morning, when I wake up, I pick one thing from that list and set an intention for the day to get it done. Today’s is this blog post. Another day, it’ll be one of the many small things on my list for book marketing.

One day, when I’m ready and there are people listening who might be helped by it, I’d like to tell more of my personal story. At the moment, being visible is too much of a stressor, which is why I’m hiding behind a pseudonym and icon image.

Though I’m not ready to share my personal story yet, I would like anyone reading this to know that I am unstoppable. No matter how rough things get, I always poke and prod until I find a way forward. Day by day, we’ll get through it, and we’ll all tell our stories.

Some days are hard. Today was a hard day. Tomorrow will be better.